Characters:
RADIO VOICE
JEHIAH CZEBOTAR
LOUIE (THE DOG)
CAROLYN
PA SYSTEM VOICE
PRINCIPAL YOUNGBLOOD
PROFESSOR LOLL
SAL CATAPANO
SCOTT
TISH
ERIC
MRS. LIU
(Monday - Radio sounds from off stage Jehiah just wakes up)
RADIO
Goooooood morning Maryland, It's 5am, Time for those early birds to geeeeeeet up! This is your top Baltimore Station-
(Jehiah hits the radio next to him and walks to his dog, Louie)
JEHIAH
Morning already? Wow! How about we goooo for a run.
LOUIE
Woof!
(They run off)
(Jehiah walks through school and meets Carolyn)
CAROLYN
Happy Early Birthday Jehiah! So what are you doing this year? A party? A special dinner? The movies?
JEHIAH
Yeah, I'm having a small party. Your invitation should be at your house by tomorrow. It's gonna be a costume party so bring your Halloween costume too. By the way, what are you gonna be?
CAROLYN
An alien.
JEHIAH
An alien? I should have known! I'm gonna be a computer. Tell me I'm a nerd, don't worry about insulting me, I take it as a compliment.
CAROLYN
Ha, ha. That's hilarious.
(Bell sounds)
(In the middle of class)
PA SYSTEM VOICE 1
The town's under attack! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Everybody scream like girls and run around in circles! AhhhhhhhOh! Hi Principal Youngblood!
PRINCIPAL YOUNGBLOOD
Get over here! Sorry for the interruption. None of this is true. Please get back to work.
(Carolyn & Jehiah look at each other)
PROFESSOR LOLL
OK. Where were we before we were so rudely interrupted? Oh yeah, please turn to page 53 in your Bridges to Literature Book. We will be discussing the story about the boy who cried wolf. What did we learn?
(Many students raise their hands including Carolyn and Jehiah)
PROFESSOR LOLL
Carolyn?
CAROLYN
We learned that we shouldn't lie, because if you do, when you finally tell the truth, no-one will believe you.
PROFESSOR LOLL
Very good, Carolyn. Jehiah, would you start reading the next story?
JEHIAH
Sure. Once upon a time...
(Jehiah is walking home from school and overhears someone talking on the other side of a fence)
SAL
We'll meet at the Thomas Point Lighthouse at dusk on Saturday night.
SCOTT
What do I need to bring?
SAL
Bring your laptop. We'll need to log in to disable the main computers. Shhhh...who goes there?
(Jehiah runs off)
(Jehiah & Carolyn are chatting on instant messager and talking as they type)
JEHIAH
You'll never believe what I heard.
CAROLYN
What?
JEHIAH
Some guys were talking about disabling some kind of main computer. Whatta you think?
CAROLYN
How old did they sound?
JEHIAH
One sounded our age. The other sounded old – like about 40.
CAROLYN
It was probably just a joke. Maybe some guy and his kid were just messing around.
JEHIAH
I don't think so. It sounded serious to me.
CAROLYN
Yeah. Whatever. Since your party is Saturday night, do you want to go to the movies Friday night with Tish and Eric and me?
JEHIAH
I wasn't done talking about the guys.
CAROLYN
I don't think there's anything to worry about. So, what about the movies?
JEHIAH
Sure, I guess. What're we going to see?
CAROLYN
Chicken Little. I heard it's really good.
JEHIAH
OK. That's cool. See you at school tomorrow.
(Jehiah and Carolyn log off and go to bed)
(At lunch, Carolyn, Tish & Jehiah are sitting together in the Cafeteria)
CAROLYN
Boy, is this going to be a long week.
TISH
Tell me about it.
JEHIAH
We have tests tomorrow, we're having advisory the next day, I have soccer practice that afternoon, and I promised my dad I'd mow the lawn one day this week.
CAROLYN
Don't forget Halloween is Saturday, and your party. And, we're going to trick-or-treat at the mall after your party to show off our costumes and get some candy.
TISH
And the movies Friday. Eric said he can come too.
CAROLYN
Great. What're you going to be Tish?
TISH
I'm going to be an astronaut.
JEHIAH
That sounds great. Do you know what Eric is going to be?
CAROLYN
I heard someone say he's going as a steak.
(Everyone cracks up)
(Eric joins them)
ERIC
What's so funny?
JEHIAH
Nothing! Uh, We were just talking about Halloween. I have to go. I need to set up the targets outside for gym class. We're learning to shoot arrows this week.
TISH
That sounds fun. We're playing dodge ball in gym. I hate gym.
JEHIAH
Well, see you guys after school.
ERIC
See ya.
TISH
TTFN.
CAROLYN
Tootles.
(Jehiah leaves)
(Jehiah is outside setting up targets)
JEHIAH
Beverly hills... that's where I want to be...gimme, gimme...gimme, gimme
(Jehiah looks up and sees a plume of smoke disappearing in the trees behind the school)
JEHIAH
What the...?
(Jehiah runs to the woods to investigate)
(The woods)
(Jehiah approaches the end plume of smoke, sees a shadow and ducks behind a tree)
SAL
(talking to himself)
That's the fourth one I've crashed today. I'm running out of mini jets. I'm going to have to order some more. I'm running out of time. A full moon on Halloween comes only once in a long time. And this Saturday is definitely it. I have resources though. I've got the second smartest computer nerd in Annapolis, and would've had the smartest if it weren't for fact that he's such a goody-goody...goes to church every Sunday...gets straight A's. That Jehiah kid is pretty smart. But, Scott will do right? He knows how to steal identities to make it look like everyone in Annapolis now owns their own mini jet. Yeah.
(Sal leaves and Jehiah comes out of the bushes)
JEHIAH
Oh...my... god!
(He realizes he should be in the field and runs off)
(Jehiah, Eric and Tish are on 3-way call on the phone)
JEHIAH
...Then, he said some Scott kid was stealing identities and bought a lot of mini jets!
TISH
Are you sure? You really heard that?
JEHIAH
Positive! I know what I heard!
ERIC
Oh, I get it! You're kidding! This is all a joke!
JEHIAH
No, I'm serious! Will you listen to me? C'mon guys!
TISH
I have to get going boys. I'm studying for the big tests tomorrow.
JEHIAH
Wait! No! I'm serious, wait!
(-click-)
ERIC
Bye, Jehiah. See ya at school.
(-click-)
JEHIAH
Noooooo! Great! Fine, if you won't believe me!
(Jehiah hangs up too)
(Jehiah is in the school library looking in the yearbook)
JEHIAH
OK, there's only one Scott in the entire school, and he has to be the one I'll follow him around school today and see what he's up to.
(Jehiah is outside a stall in the boy's bathroom)
SCOTT
Hey Catapano, the MSA tests are at the Board.
(Pause)
Yeah. They have to scan them into the computer system to calculate the scores. Once they're scanned in, I can do my thing. Then you can swoop in and steal the hard copies so there won't be any evidence.
(Pause)
You're welcome.
(Scott hangs up)
(Outside the movie theatre)
ERIC
Hey Carolyn, did that Chicken Little remind you a little of someone.
CAROLYN
Yeah, next thing you know, Jehiah's gonna be telling us we're being invaded by aliens from another planet. Jehiah, should I wear a nametag on my costume tomorrow?
TISH
I'll fly up and intercept your ship before you land!
JEHIAH
Very funny. Hey that reminds me. You should have heard the conversation I overhead today.
ERIC, CAROLYN & TISH
Oh no! Not again!
JEHIAH
C'mon guys, this is serious.
ERIC
Forget it man. We're tired of hearing about it.
(Jehiah sighs, and they all walk away)
(Jehiah's Birthday Party)
JEHIAH
A toy rocket? Thanks Eric, that's very funny.
ERIC
You seem to have rockets on the brain lately.
(Jehiah frowns)
JEHIAH
What are you supposed to be? You have an eyepatch, a parrot on your shoulder, and a floppy disk attached to your belt. I heard you were coming as a steak.
ERIC
Nah, someone told me Principal Youngblood looks like a vampire. I told them I'd come as the stake. But, I'm actually a Software Pirate. Get it?
JEHIAH
Very clever.
(The mall)
(Jehiah, Carolyn, Eric & Tish are trick-or-treating)
JEHIAH
Ever notice how many stores give out the little tootsie rolls?
CAROLYN
Yeah, I saw them at Sam's club. You can get a really big bag for really cheap.
TISH
What other stuff did you guys get?
ERIC
(Looking in bag) I got some candy corn, and some dum-dums, and oooo some Reese's and ...
(A loud crash)
CAROLYN
What was that?
JEHIAH
Over there by Hecht's. Sounds like something came through the roof!
(They all run towards the sound)
(A small rocket is sitting in the middle of the play area with broken glass all around it. Sal is lying on the floor next to it.)
SAL
Owoooo
JEHIAH
Are you OK? Don't I know you? You look familiar.
SAL
(Recognizing Jehiah)
No, I'm not from around here. I have never seen you before.
JEHIAH
Who are you?
SAL
I am Sal, the Catapano. I come from Pluto, a planet that is far superior in intelligence than puny Earth.
(Everyone laughs at him)
ERIC
Everyone knows there no intelligence on Pluto. It's too cold.
CAROLYN
He goes to our school. He's that guy that's like really old, but he's still in the 8th grade.
JEHIAH
Oh yeah. He's been held back for like 20 years.
TISH
What were you trying to do with that rocket?
JEHIAH
I know. You're the one I've been hearing talking. You were planning to shutdown the mainframe at the Board of Education and steal the MSA scores. Why?
SAL
How would you feel being middle-aged in middle school? I couldn't take it one more year. It's just the same thing over and over, and the same teachers over and over, and the same principal over and over. That Principal Youngblood is really creepy. He's always wearing the red suit, and he talks like Dracula. He has it out for me.
ERIC
My mom just called me. She says the main frame at the Board of Ed is all hosed up. She has to go in and try to fix it. (Jehiah's eyes get wide)
JEHIAH
(Eagerly)
We should go see if we can help. We'll report him to Principal Youngblood tomorrow. Happy Halloween, Sal, the Catapano.
SAL
Yeah, whatever. Why'd you have to be such a goody-goody? Snitch.
JEHIAH
I am Jehiah, the Czebotar, doer of good and justice. I come from Planet Earth to rid the galaxy of evil computer hackers. See ya.
(Jehiah, Eric, Tish & Carolyn leave)
(The Board of Education Computer Lab)
JEHIAH
It looks like Sal's cohort in crime unleashed the "I love you" virus into the mainframe when he was trying to mess with the MSA scores. It's sending emails to everyone in Annapolis. Every time someone else opens it, it sends it to everyone on their mailing list. I have the vaccine. It'll only take a minute.
(Jehiah types a few keys)
JEHIAH
Ta-da. That ought to do the trick.
MRS. LIU
Jehiah, you're wonderful. Thank you so much. Eric, you're lucky to have such a smart and helpful friend.
ERIC
What do you expect, Mom? He is THE CZEBOTAR.
Copyright 2006 Stephanie Anderson - all rights reserved; published with permission